You were never there...
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Short (All 5)2005 Based loosely
on an urban legend, but hell seeing them all together is a figment of our imagination by now anyways. The concert was surging with energy, pure bottled
adrenaline. The screams were loud and piercing the air. Girls and guys alike were jumping up and down waving and singing at
the top of their lungs. The mothers just smiled to see their young ones so happy. Twenty-something’s couples cuddling
through the ballads gazing up at one another just lost in the bliss to let the thousands of surrounding them. The five guys
on stage simply played of the power of the crowd. They danced as hard as they could and this wasn’t about luck this
was preparation. Making it back to the stage after so long the guys knew that it would have to be completely over the top. The past ten shows on the new tour had all sold
out and in a deep sense it was like they had never left. Lance just sighed to himself at least once a night about how faithful
their fans had been. JC felt the dynamics growing stronger with every performance. Having such a solid comeback was mind blowing.
Chris and Justin had buried the past, giving the band a breath of fresh air. Oxygen they had been missing far too long. It
was in the middle of the show in It was in the next wardrobe change that Justin
asked if anyone saw that one fitful face in the front. “She is about 20 I’d guess, long brown hair pink shirt.”
Lance had noticed her unknowingly to stage left. “Not dancing, not singing… Just standing there?” he asked
making JC look up from the crew putting his ears back in. “I thought she was waiting on somebody or something.”
Joey seemed to shake them off having spent most of his stage time next to the LCD wall. Chris had no account of the girl but
said he would look for her. With the music cuing in the speakers Justin winked at them “let’s see what she thinks
about this…” As they returned to their playground others called a stage, it wasn’t hard to find her again.
Working out the hardest routine he had Justin
danced for her, only her. JC sang his heart out peering down at her. Still nothing, she stood there gazing up watching every
move and note that floated through the air. Chris tried some of his physical humor doing back flips and tripping over his
own feet. She looked around at the hundreds of girls that surrounded her because of the attention to that side of the stage.
No expression, no laugh, or sound escaped her body. Safety was always a concern for their fans and while the spot light was
down stage Joey took the easy was out and asked security to pull her out of the riot. The next scene took more time to set up as the
crew worked frantically the guys one by one went back stage. Justin was pissed that this girl had not even so much cracked
a smile, it was a blow to his newly rebuilt ego. JC was intrigued and Lance didn’t trust the situation it was unnerving.
“Mind telling me what that was all about?” Justin shouted at the girl where she was standing next to Anthony.
“Excuse me?” she popped. “Justin calm down, Miss what he means to say is…”JC started softly.
“Are you not having a good time?” Chris asked walking up to her with a towel patting off his brow. “I’m
having a wonderful time” she admitted to the guys. “You don’t look like it out there.” Lance peeped
from behind his water bottle. She shook her head and tried to figure out how to explain her self. “It is such a gift
to see you guys together again.” It was genuine and Justin studied her from across the room. Her eyes were dark and
at the same time very hollow. Deciding to press the issue he started again. “Then why are you acting like you’d
rather be dead than be at this concert?” A smile crept over her face as she sighed. “Why do you say that?” “Most people like the scream, and sing,
at least smile when we are giving them a personal show, look even now. You’re not even nervous about being back stage
with all of us, do you know how many girls would die to be in your shoes?” Her face was pale and her eyes rimmed with
tears. “Yeah I do,” with that she was pushing out of the room trying to run down the hall. “Now you’ve done it, genius”
Lance scoffed turning his microphone pack on before shoving it down into the holster in the back of his belt. “Easy
fix… security!” Justin yelled into the hall. Mike was the bodyguard that had pulled her out of the crowd. He knew
that she couldn’t have made it more than twenty feet in front of him. Indeed Mike caught up with her grabbing her wrist
to stop her. “Miss, please.” She stopped a bit winded and turned to look up at him. “I didn’t do anything
wrong” the girl complied. “What is your name?” Mike shook her hand trying to intimidate her. “Why
do you need my name, just let me go?” This had gone far enough in his head and he was not about to let a fan or non-fan
for that matter get the upper hand. “Show me your id, or you can show the cops
your id… Your choice” she winced at his words and questioned him. “Why the cops? I haven’t done anything.”
Mike pulled a radio off his side and pointed at her with it. “You snuck past the check point and tried to pull Lance’s
hair out. That’s aggravated assault in It wasn’t long after the screams got louder
that they pounded back into the room. She stood in the corner of the room trying to go as unnoticed as the furniture. It was
Chris that saw her reflection in the mirror behind him. “Guhgg,” he shrieked loudly having been caught off guard.
“Can you speak next time,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry Chris” she hummed lowly as the guys started
circulating around her. “Welcome back, Lana” Justin smirked having the power over her whereabouts and knowing
her name. Her eyes seemed deeper than the last time his saw her, but he chalked it up to her defeat. “So…”
Lance eased in nodded to JC to intervene. “Would you just tell us why you are so unhappy with our show?” She turned to look at him and crossed the room
standing by the couch were Joey was sitting. “Why am I not singing and jumping up and down is that what this is all
about?” the submission seemed awkward the way she said it, but that was exactly what they needed to hear. “Yeah,”
Chris said softly. “I guess you would have to be a fan to understand. See I feel so lucky to be here tonight, in your
presence. I’m really in awe, the air in this place should be yours, and yours alone. I’m not going to listen to
my self sing your songs because I hear that all the time. The jumping up and down, I want see you guys, I’m not here
for you to see me. You work so hard to put on a great show, I want to see you perform it. This is your gift to me, please
let me enjoy it while I can. I never meant to upset you by being here.” The words swirled around the room, her voice
was soft and delicate. The door crept open and Kelly and Brianna came
in behind it. “Daddy, give me a hug!” the little girl ran into her father’s arms. Lana stepped away from
the couch letting Kelly pass as she went for the door. Lance’s voice rang out over the giggles of the scene. “Please,
don’t go.” He made his way over to her. Joey whispered to Kelly and the other guys waited for Lana to stop. “Stay
with us, anything you want please bottle of water, something to eat?” he was pulling at his hair as he talked to her.
“No” she refused and began again. “I can’t over stay my welcome.” She finished with a cough
into her hand. “No fear of that,” Lance patted her back. It was when he touched her that he noticed how cool her
skin was. Brianna broke his concentration by pulling on his sleeve. “Hold me,” she raised her hands above her
head, he obeyed and pulled the small girl to his side in an easy swoop. Lana watched the motion bring a soft smile to her
face. She fit against him easily yawning a bit before
putting her head on his shoulder. “Can you say hello to Ms. Lana?” He bounced her gently. Brianna was studying
the girl with lazy eyes. “Hello angel” she sighed after giving the girl a second look. “Lana, sweetheart,
her name is Lana.” Joey heard her and corrected. Brianna instead put he arms out to the girl. The room fell silent for
a moment. There was no way the child would ever be shy with the famous backdrop that was her life, but she never went to anyone
she didn’t know. The guys were her family, but Lana was a stranger. Lance thought maybe it was because she was tired
and looked to Kelly for instruction. She was in half shock but nodded after making eye contact with Joey over the matter.
Brianna’s arms were around Lana’s
neck before she could bring her hands to the child’s back. She shifted her to her hip and rocked from one foot to another.
The girl put her small hands on Lana’s face and pulled her chin down to meet her eyes. She
pushed her head to one side and then the other as if examining her like a doctor. Brianna finished by whispering something
in her ear and putting her head on her shoulder. Lana rubbed circles in her back with her eyes closed. “Time to go guys,” Anthony tapped
on the door and five of the eight stirred in the room. The boys left a bit spellbound at the last five minutes. Lana sidestepped
to the couch were Kelly was and put the sleeping girl down. She smiled softly at the other woman and pulled the blanket from
the back of the couch covering up child. “What did she say to you?” Kelly asked wondering why the Lana looked
so sad and calm at the same time. Turning away to stand she shrugged her shoulders. “She said I reminded her of her
Nana. Kids, huh?” Lana sighed. “But her Nana,” she was cut off. “Kelly please tell the guys I wanted
to be in my seat for the last song.” With that Lana was gone. The guys didn’t see her for the last song,
thinking she was still in the back they didn’t pay it any attention. Justin and Lance probably took it the hardest when
they made it back to find the room empty. Kelly and Brianna had already gone to the hotel and Joey was not far behind them.
They loaded up the buses and made it about thirty minutes down the road to where they would stay the night. It was about two
hours after they’d settled in for the night when Lance knocked on Justin’s door. He had been icing down his ankle
and hobbled to greet him. “What’s up?” Lance was showered
and in his sleep clothes as he sat down on the wing back chair. Justin perched back on the chase and put his foot up. “Mike
still had Lana’s id, she left without it.” He flashed the card up over to him. “Let me see,” Justin
put his hand out. He gave the license a through read and laughed. “It expires this year, in October…” Lance
nodded having had read it himself. “I talked to Fritz after I map quested the address. It’s only about twenty
miles south of here.” Justin’s eyes fluttered over the room to him. “Can we?” he asked with out needing
him to say anymore. “Yeah as long as we’re back by six and we have to take Mike and Tank with us.” The boys were going to return the id personally
the next day and be back in time to hit the road on the way to Around noon the boys met up before venturing out
into the city. Everyone had their days planned out until it was time to leave, Lance and Justin were not indifferent. The
black suburban took down the freeway in light traffic. Tank had programmed the address in the navigation system making the
ride that much smoother. “Did you sleep at all?” Lance asked him as he yawned. “A little, I just couldn’t
get comfortable.” He took the answer for it’s worth and watched the city fade away into the suburbs that surrounded
it. When the directions gave the last turn they boys
seemed to sit up a little straighter than before. The truck pulled to a stop outside of a colonial styled house. The neighborhood
seemed to match Lana’s delicate character. A few children were riding their bikes on the side walk and a couple of senior
citizens working in their lawns. Mike was the first to open his door slipping out of his heavy leather jacket leaving it in
the seat. He let Justin and Lance out as he went. They were looking more the part of rock stars in the community even in their
‘causal’ clothes and big sunglasses. Justin took the led unclipping the picket fence to go up the side walk with
Lance in tow. Tank stayed in the truck with Mike stationing
himself at the gate. Lance rang to door bell once on the porch. Only a moment had passed before a small dark headed housewife
made the door move. She looked nice enough as she viewed her visitors. “Yes, can I help you gentleman.” Lance
nudged Justin with his elbow to do the talking. “Sorry to come by un-announced ma’am, we’re looking for
Lana Martin.” The woman’s face froze and she simply laughed. “I’m sorry young man, has anyone ever
told you that you look like Justin from Nsync?” He blushed and batted his eyes over to Lance surprised that the older
lady recognized him. “Well,” he started as he noticed her eye line had followed his over to his friend. “Lance?”
she questioned breathlessly. Her body was shaky and grasped the doorframe for support. “Yes ma’am, are you ok?”
She only looked at them in fright and shook her
head. “Why are you here?” She asked the boys again. By this time a young boy came up behind his mother wondering
what all the commotion was about. “Mama? Who is it?” he asked in a slow drawl. He made it to her side and had
a growing look of concern on his face when he made eye contact with the guys on the porch. “Is she all right?”
Justin tried to step in to help. “Give me just a minute and I’ll be right back” the young man said pulling
his mother away from the door. She was silent had a dead stare on her face walking back into the house. He seemed to tuck
her away safely in another room. Justin gave Lance a pleading look of confirmation,
but he couldn’t offer any. The scene was strange and uncomfortable. The son came back into view and pulled the door
open fully giving them entry. “Now, then” he said walking on the hardwood floors of the front hallway. “Man
you guys take a long time to answer fan mail.” He joked. Shaking hands with them “I’m Leo”. Justin
was wary of the house and the boy seemed like a threat as well although he couldn’t have been over sixteen. “Great
show last night, I didn’t make this one I had to work. My friends have been going on and on about it all morning. I
guess I have bragging rights now, huh?” Lance shifted his weight from one foot to another trying to smile. “Does
Lana Martin live here?” Leo’s breath caught up in his chest and
he took a big gulp of air before he could answer. “She used to, that’s my sister.” Justin pulled the id
out of his front pocket. “Do you know how we could get in touch with her?” Leo crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible.” Lance tugged at the side of his jeans to make his mind focus on
the conversation. “Well, she was at the show last night and we met her… She accidentally left her id and we’re
trying to get it back to her.” Leo’s face went blank and reached for the card Justin was fumbling with. He looked
more confused than anything when he saw the license. He held the card for a moment and then rubbed his forehead. “How,”
his young voice cracked. “How did you get this?” “At the show last night” Lance offered
with big eyes. Justin was watching them like a tennis match back and forth getting dizzy. “That’s not possible.”
Leo said in a stiff stance. “Why do you keep saying that?” Justin mused. “Because she is dead.” The
female voice poured into the foyer from behind them. Lance admittedly jumped at the sound. Justin saw the housewife return
with something in her hand. Leo’s eyes were rimmed with tears. “She’s what?” Lance processed the sentence
that his brain wouldn’t accept. “She died two years ago” the woman handed over the document. “There
must be some mistake. The girl we saw last night was a walking, talking, and very alive person.” Lance begged them to
understand. One side of the paper was indeed a formal picture of the girl they had seen the other side was her death certificate.
“This is insane, I don’t think we have the right house. There is no way this is the same girl.” Justin ragged
out in a stuttered breath. “Come on Lance!” he tore to the front
door needing the untainted air that was crushing his lungs. “See for yourself…” Leo cried out pointing to
the stairs clutching the card to his chest. Lance stopped to see what he was talking about. The housewife pulled their weakened
bodies up the staircase before they could pull back. The room was partially packed in boxes and still it looked like Lana
could have come in at any point of the day and pick up where she left off. Their posters covered the walls. “I try to
pack up her things… but I can’t” the lady stated tearfully. Justin had landed against the wall in front of
a bulletin board full of pictures. Too many of Lana to deny the fact it was really her. Lance was in stunned silence being
in the room feeling the same way Justin did. Pure and utter disbelief swept through his body. “Justin,” he sighed
out heavily pulling the fabric to his nose. Justin crossed the room and went weak in his knees to see the pink shirt in his
hands. It seems that the whole outfit was lying on the bed waiting to be worn. He ran his hand down the pant leg and felt
something drop on the floor. Kneeling down he picked up a small envelope. His hands shook pulling the paper apart. The content
was two Nsync concert tickets to their last tour. Justin’s heart skipped a beat. “HOW?” His voice boomed
a cross the room. “How did she die?” Her mother was touching the hot pink stuffed the elephant on the desk. She
turned to them slowly and seemed to have calmed down since first opening the door. “She was sick, for a few weeks. I took her
to the doctor over and over again. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. She was bruising at the touch of
her skin, she lost all her energy, coughing. She couldn’t play volley ball anymore.” She touched the trophy and
ribbons on the wall. “The school sent her to the hospital on a Friday after she was throwing up blood. I begged her
to stay home and rest it was the weekend of your concert, she was such a fan. So loyal and dedicated, we all knew you’re
every move. If we wanted to or not… She was so upset when you guys disbanded. Lana thought maybe you were mad at her
personally or something, she was so precious. It was the worst case of untreated
leukemia the doctors had ever seen. They started treating her in the emergency room. Leo and I made it there in record time
I think I ran every red light between here and downtown. She slept a lot the next two days. When she did wake up she was very
sick. They never told me they couldn’t save her. She passed the third day there… Seventeen years old and we never
even knew.” The woman fell silent as the guys took it all in. Justin slowly stood up putting the tickets on
the bed and moving over the hug the housewife. She cried softly into his chest but he held strong. Lance put everything back
as undisturbed as possible. He offered the woman a hug when Justin stepped out of the way. “Ma’am, I don’t
know how this happened or why… But please know we’ll never forget this.” Justin was the first to ease out
of the room. In the truck the guys were stiff and silent. The
cumbersome news had engulfed their minds. Lance felt the sun beaming down on his arm even through the tinted windows it felt
like it could melt away his flesh. Justin remained stoic and quiet. When they got back to the hotel the others were close
behind. It was about five thirty in the dinning hall when JC asked why there were not eating. Lance had a distance gaze over
his face and Justin’s eyes were so pale and icy it scared onlookers. “Not hungry.” Lance declared quickly.
“What did you guys do today?” Chris asked from across the table. “They took Lana’s id back, right?”
Joey said aloud. “Yeah…” Justin squeaked. “Ya know Bri kept calling her Angel last night when Kelly
was putting her to bed. I tried to tell her that wasn’t her name.” Kelly’s eyes glazed over Lance and Justin’s
faces in a strange twinge. “Guys remember last night when Bri was whispering to Lana?” she paused as they all
nodded. “Well I asked her before she left what she said. “Brianna told her she reminded her of her Nana,”
Her voice was slow but loud enough for them to hear. “But the only Nana, Bri knows was Mitsy and she died over three
years ago.” Joey explained. “I know,” Kelly said raising an eyebrow to Justin and Lance. Justin put his head in his hands and started to
sob softly. “You guys, there is something we have to tell you. It’s going to sound insane, please just take it
for the truth…” Lance told them with tears rimming his eyes. “Lana Martin passed away two years ago from
cancer. It was the same girl from the show, the same clothes, same perfume, and the same long brown hair in her pictures.
We saw the death certificate.” Chris dropped his fork with a loud thud as JC
choked on his drink. “That’s not funny Lance” Chris scolded him. “Chris, I promise it’s not
a joke. Joey had the blankest look on his face like you had just reached in and pulled his soul from his body. “There
must be some mistake…” JC was the first one to speak again. “A scam they are pulling a scam” Chris’
fear redirected itself. “Come on guys we all saw her and everyone else too.” JC piped again shaking his head tightly.
“I believe you…” Joey finally spoke over the gasps and accusations. The table fell silent again. “Joe,
you can’t” Chris said pulling the visor up and down on his head. “It’s true Chris, all of it, I saw
it with my own eyes.” Justin forced his head up to cry out to him. Lance had his head on the table when Joey rested
his hand on the back of his neck. “Children can see that stuff guys. Brianna
has never gone to a stranger before… She kept calling her Angel, and she was just a little baby when her Nana got sick.
Kelly and I used to hear her talking, we’d go in her room and she’d be alone. She always said she was playing
with Nana. We decided not to question it.” The guys all seemed to be following him on the same page. Taking it all in
Justin and Lance were not immune to hearing it again. They could only rely on what they had seen for themselves in person.
“Why would this happen?” JC finally piped out. Chris just rubbed his back “I don’t know man.”
They all seemed to filter into the buses dazed
and exhausted from the trying news. “We have to do something…” Lance spit out into the air knowing that
Justin and Chris had to hear him. It was the middle of the next show when the guys
came out from back stage. They eerie feeling had subsided while they got lost in the show. Now it was different the thick
cloud that had consumed them earlier was back. The crowd was screaming as Justin walked to the front of the stage with the
other guys. “Ok, how are y’all feeling?” they squealed with all their might. “Check this out, we’re
going to slow things down” the cries were thunderous. “I need you to do something for me” they roared. “I
want everyone to be as quiet as possible while we sing this next song. Tonight we are dedicating it to our friend that passed
away and we want her to hear it in heaven…” They seemed to subside softly. “If you scream then we can’t
sing it. Ok?” The arena was silent, a deafening silence that Justin had only heard before in a sound check. They all
stood in a semi-circle counting off the timing as they began. She was
my once in a lifetime When they finished Justin had tears in his eyes
and they all seemed to take a moment of silence before they could speak. “Goodbye Lana” they all said in unison
as the arena erupted in applause and cheers. The end This story is dedicated to Leticia a.k.a “Lettie”. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to say goodbye
I thought you were coming home after the weekend. I remember that payday walking up down the hill, the pink elephant and your
pictures, I wonder if you ever knew how beautiful you were inside and out… I know you’re watching over all of
us, I will never forget you I love you.
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