Simple Man (Roxy Blue -Libra Sweets© 2005)

§ Lance and Justin try to figure out where they have been and where they are going, and if they are going to make the journey together… (Not Slash) §

*****

The day had been tiresome to say the least. All the business was up in the air and the deals that were on the table were shit. Lance knew it from the first five minutes of the meeting. It took the others a while to catch on, typical. They did not agree on the offers, ‘for the promise of tomorrow’ or ‘when the new numbers came in’ it would be a better deal.

He took a deep breath walking back to the compound from his truck. If only this day hadn’t been like the past month. Never ending meetings on how they were tearing themselves apart and that they were losing everything they had worked for. Yeah well if they had out of control egos, whose fault was that? Taking into consideration they had been pimped out together as children and made into the public image that would sell, sell, and sell. The talent was the only thing that ever eased the pain of giving their lives to the world. Had he really came back to Orlando for this shit? It wasn’t his fault everyone was on the east coast these days. L.A. had become part of him in the short year he had been there, his refuge far away from this place. That was his version of riding off into the sunset. Now he had left his phone in the office.

Only thankful to have caught it before getting all the way back to his house on the other side of town, he opened the glass doors from the patio. Johnny and Justin were on the couches with more papers in their hand. The two were holding their own meeting now, after Johnny agreed to continue managing his solo career they had a lot of these meetings. Maybe that was why Justin was never interested in coming to the ‘group’s meetings’. Discussing a reunion was a sticky situation as it was, but for Johnny to admit he had hands on both sides was hard on all of them. It fed Justin when he passed Josh off to one of his collages for steady management on his project. Thank God Chris had better sense than to trust these people again for his own demo. Lance thought about it as he passed them motioning to the conference room with his hand up to his ear, mouthing ‘phone’ to them.

He found it just where he had been sitting along with his good pen. The silver mocked him from across the room. As if to say ‘yeah dumb-ass I’m over here, where YOU left me.’ It was the perfect image to end his thoughts of a relaxing evening. ‘You have seven new messages’ the automated system hummed into his ear from the cell phone. Great if you added that to the twelve that he had checked and lunch and the four before breakfast, it gave him a grand total of twenty three messages telling them that he was late for this deadline, missed a meeting, lawyers with his ‘best’ interest at heart calling to confirm appointments, investments were falling through, projects were changing direction, and the kicker Dingo and Foster were ready to be picked up from the groomers.  

Finding the room darker than when he had come in the ‘meeting’ must have ended. He hoped, but knew better that he had not shamed them into calling it an early night. He could never have unnerved the great ‘Timberlake’. Not that he would ever begrudge his friends, hell his brothers of sorts from any happiness in their lives. It was the snarling, bitter attitudes that bothered him. The brutal anger they used to direct at the world was now pointing inward. There had been a few fist fights and broken promises that none of them could come from unscathed. Rolling his neck around a few times he shrugged his shoulders as he locked the door on the way out. At least he still had his manners. The drive cutting in and out of 9 o’clock traffic was like butter compared to L.A.

At least the boys were happy to see him. They jumped into the truck aptly to go home. Swerving around the town made him briefly home sick, although he wasn’t sure if it was for the town itself, or the memories of the better times on these streets. He sadly grinned and thought about the riding song ‘do run-run’ they would all sing on their way to whatever movie was out that weekend. He was always the slowest to rhyme, but got genuine cheer from his words. Josh would drive as Chris sat in the front to be in the middle of any conversation that may take place. Joey, Joey and that damned camera he scoffed. This led to the thought of Justin always whining about the light from the camera, and wanting shotgun on the way back. God Justin hadn’t changed, why should he? ‘Nevermind’ he told himself shaking it off like a bad idea.

Making it into the house he dropped his keys on the table and turned on a few lights. Foster whimpered at the back door, Lance obeyed letting them out. When both the dogs ran off the porch barking mercilessly he stuck his head out to see what they were chasing. He couldn’t see anything so he closed the door.

Turning to the fridge he sought out something to drink. The PowerAde was looking pretty good as he took it from its place on the shelf. With a quarter of it already in his mouth he heard the dogs again. This time was louder and meaner than the last. He never thought the dogs to be violent, probably just chasing a squirrel or raccoon off the edge of the yard. The approximate time the dogs’ howls quieted the motion lights went off over the garage. Lance rolled his eyes in a huff, of course the night would hold just as much drama as the day had. Making it over to the back door he scooped up his trusty Louisville slugger he always kept close to the door.  The aluminum was cold in his hand as he crept down the steps. He edged over to the next building in the shadows when the pool and patio lights flipped on. Hearing the indistinct bounce from around the corner he took a deep breath and rounded the side brazen with the baseball bat perched to swing. “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?” The words flew out of his mouth in an excited jumble.

Completely caught off guard by the scene, he dropped his defenses. Turning on his heel, he paced for a moment before letting out a monstrous bellow to calm his nerves. “Shit man! I almost whacked you!” Justin was sitting on a basketball under the rim, petting the dogs. He stood up slowly and made his way over to Lance ball in hand. “Sorry about that, guess it wasn’t such a good idea after all.” He tried to hand it off and when his actions were declined he held it at his waist before spinning it on the tip of his finger. “Don’t mind me man,” Lance paused catching his breath. “It’s been a long day” dropping the bat to the ground leaning on it for a kickstand. “You’re telling me,” Justin smiled from behind the spinning sphere on his finger. “I have a front door you know,” he stood up straight hating the arrogance of the ball in his face. He made his way behind Justin to the other side of the garage and went in to check the alarm system. Justin followed him sensing the mood that had been over the five of them all day.

Lance had set the bat down and was standing in front of the keypad. “19.905.9” Justin announced from across the room as he pulled something from his duffle bag. The sound was like nails on chalk board, he winced as the numbers floated accurately in the air. How the fuck could he have known that? Dropping his head he turned to the other man, maybe, if he could muster up some energy he could work on making things better between all of them. At this point he wasn’t going to care to sleep and maybe this was a step in the right direction.  

“The amount of the first check you ever got as a professional singer in a little band called N-stink.” Justin joked as he walked back over to him. The comment was taking in stride because it was a CD and a bottle of southern comfort that came from the bag. “All memories now,” Lance cocked his head curtly and took the bottle. “I came straight here from work, but you weren’t here yet. I played a little ball. When the lights came on in the house I was working my way over when Dingo saw me. I flipped the switch so he could see who I was.” He shook his finger playing with the dog before looking up at Lance. He nodded and said “I had to pick them up, you want a drink?” He was filling two party cups from the storage locker in the corner of the room with a few shots of whiskey. “Got any ice?” Justin inquired opening the freezer sticking his hand out for the cup.

After he dropped a half a tray into his cup he used the rest for Lance’s. Tossing it to the side he pulled two beers from the refrigerator. Lance had used the time to stick the CD into the player. The beginning chords of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “What’s your name?” pulsed through the room, he twisted a few knobs and the music echoed outside where about a hundred speakers where hidden, normally used for parties and cook-outs. Lance had to crack a smile, it was starting to make sense.

Justin crossed the room to hand him his drinks, hoping that the liquor would mellow them both out. “I don’t believe you remembered that, you been digging up bones?” Lance asked as they walked out of the garage. “Something like that.” He mumbled sitting down at the table closet to the pool the glow from the underwater lights was bright enough to see, but not obtrusive. The CD advanced to next song “The Ballad of Curtis Loew”. The music was older southern rock that used to remind these two of home when they were younger. Out on the road, a million miles away from everything they knew, even then they appreciated the sharp lead guitar rifts and the soulful pleas of the vocals. It wasn’t country, it was southern and that was all they needed to remember going to the river in the hot humid summers, dirt biking paths in the woods behind the house, and any excuse to get covered head to toe in red clay mud. They had talked about those times together on countless occasions. They were the adolescents of the group and felt the separation more so than the others.

Lance tapped his foot softly to the song, laying his head back to take a shot from his cup. It was hot and quenched the thirst he knew the PowerAde never could have. Letting it settle down his throat he remembered how they taught each other to drink when they were kids. “God we were just babies,” he blurted out making Justin’s hand jump as he was already pouring more into his empty cup. That was what he had intended the night to be about, right? The southern comfort that was what they always snuck into their room cracking the top after they were sure the last bed check was done. Lynyrd Skynyrd was something only they had listened to, it drove Chris and Josh nuts they never had their hearts in Dixie. Joey could care less, he loved all music something to be credited to his father, for once.

“Yeah we were, ready for some more?” Justin waited to fill his cup. Lance lifted it one more time to his mouth then over to the middle of the table. Justin set the bottle down and shifted in his seat sipping his cup.

“So what’s on your mind?” Lance took a swig from the beer bottle and then the cup. “I just wanted to chill out… together.” He glanced over to the dogs away from Lance as the song played in “All I can do is write about it”. The words started to fill his mind and take priority over the day, the past week, and month. He had worried about things, the same as Lance. Though he, himself would never be the one to break the silence. “Reconnect you know, I miss you… I mean I miss spending time with you.” Lance nodded not looking up to meet his eyes the words were almost enough. The pool’s ripples seemed symbolic to him. “I miss it too” he finally whispered. They both knew things had gone too far for the group to come running back into each others arms. No one wanted to be the first to break, the egos or worse their pride had turned them to stone where they stood. This though, with Justin it was different. He could be mad at him for many things, but at the end of the day this was his best friend. They both had a thousand memories running through them at that moment from just the few songs in their ears and the familiar taste in their mouths. 

“What are we going to do about all this?” Lance asked gingerly. Gulping the contents of the cup again, he refilled for the two of them.

“Shit I wish I knew.” Justin stood up slowly stretching out lighting a cigarette and tossing the pack back on the table. He walked along the edge of the pool bare footed as he had slipped from his sneakers and socks a while back. Lance took another sip of the whiskey and looked up at the stars. The night was fairly clear and he could see the blackish blue velvet overhead twinkled with lights. Even that beautiful sight, through all the alcohol that had pissed him off, reminding him of his failures.

He felt water trickling on him, a bit out of it he looked around to see Justin smiling flicking water on him from the pool. “Where are you Lance?” he asked softly. There was a short silence where he could hear his breathing go shallow as the next song came on. “I was going to fucking space, Justin.” He said forcefully like if he didn’t get it out of his body right then he would explode. Justin’s smile faded and he took another drag. “I ripped Janet’s bra off on the super bowl, we all fucked up man at least that wasn’t your fault.”

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.

“It was all so great, we were going to be famous and get rich. Stupid… kids, man.” Lance mumbled taking his cue from Justin lighting up. He only smoked around Justin, and only when they were drinking.

“And buy all the video games we could get our hands on.” Justin dipped his foot into the pool again giggling to remember the innocence.

Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

“No matter what we were faced with, we got through it together.” Lance fathomed.

“Then the world was ours for the taking.”

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

“And we took it… over and over again.” He agreed.

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

“That must have been where to video games turned into girls and booze.” Justin was staring at the stars now, biting his lips to taste the nicotine.

“The music turned to shit, we were a machine. Nothing personal, no soul, no pulse, just a well oiled machine to hide behind, that’s what we became.” Lance was numb.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

“Why did it get so complicated? Why did we want so much more than what we could handle?” Lance stared blankly in his direction. Justin went back over to the table picking up his bottle taking a long slow drink.

“Don’t do this to yourself, it was a group effort.”

“That’s my point,” he said standing up too. “We just let it build up into this… this…” 

“It just would have killed all of us if we hadn’t taken some time off. Think about it.” Lance bent over for his cup when he puffed on the cigarette. A smile cracked his stern face, but this was a smile of vengeance.

“Time off…” He stated questionably as he walked around the pool once for good measure. Justin felt the prick of the words as he said them and the tinge of stomach to see Lance walking away from him. Putting his cigarette out in the empty beer bottle he poured more whiskey into his mouth. It was at the point in the night where they would start drinking from the bottle.

This was about them not talking after they all walked away. No one talked… It was the time and space apart they needed. Maybe now they could get past it and make things work. So what if he went solo and made it on his own to prove a point to the others, even out of spite? Just like the group things became overwhelming and uncontrollable.

Lance rounded the pool and Foster followed a step behind as Dingo stayed with Justin. ‘Trader’ he thought to himself. Skipping over a divider rock there to protect the little garden, he was a little off balance and almost fell into the pool behind the cove. Hitting his back in a swoop he cussed. “Damn it” if he was going to make a good effort at this then he would need to get up. After his body seemed to relax instantly he thought about it. ‘Nah, I’m good here’ he laughed to himself putting his hands behind his head forgetting about Justin. Foster whined a bit licking his nose and nipping at him. Lance just rolled his head a little to get the dog out of his face. He scurried off and left Lance there to wallow in his own drunken self pity. The wind blew softly across the night as he just felt the stillness around him.

“What are you doing?” the voice made him blink his eyes open. The palm tree he had been staring at was now looking back at him from Justin’s eyes.

“Huh?”

“Lance, wake up.” He opened his eyes and sat up from the ground looking around.

“You asshole I thought you fell in the pool!” Justin hit him in the shoulder. It didn’t hurt he was still numb from the alcohol and dozing off. The pressure did knock him over a bit.

“I fell down, does that count?”

“Bastard I couldn’t find you! Kept calling you and you never answered me! I thought you were dead or something” Justin started getting frantic, a common occurrence when he was drinking. Lance had won with out trying, knew he had just had a taste of what he went through three years ago.

“Justin…” he yelled over his theatrics, “Help me up.” Justin stopped and stood up first. Reaching down he pulled Lance to his feet. They walked over to the table where they were both safely seated.

“Sorry about the yelling”

“Just happy you found me.”

“Yeah, ya big dummy!” Justin took another tug at the bottle before handing it over to Lance. He drank the last shot and noticed there were a few more beer bottles on the table than when he left.

“How long was I over there?”

“About two hours, I gave you about thirty minutes to cool off.”

“Sorry about that, it’s just really hard to think about getting everyone on the same page. It’s freaking me out, like I’m going to see it all crumble again. All the work and dedication, it’s just going to foil.”

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

“There has to be a way, and we’ll find it. We may be tattered and torn from the little kids we used to be, but look we’re all here in Orlando again.” He looked over at Lance as they made eye contact saying “Where it all started…”in unison. There was an air of hope in their lungs and a song going in their ears burning their hearts.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

“Simple Man” -Lynyrd Skynyrd