Chapter 1

            Madison was getting sick more often and it was harder for her to hide it. Lance threw all of his energy into his shows. She was thankful that he would fall asleep as soon as they would lie down. There was no conversation, he was so protective over her walking off the bus was a monitored event. They were not sure what to expect from one another. Life on the road was anything but good for them. JC found her crying in the bunk one day, she tried to deny what he already knew. He wasn’t mad, but concerned. He promised not to tell and she confided in him. Tuesday morning after everyone has vacated the bus, she made her way to the bathroom for her sickness to pass. Lance having forgot his palm pilot returned to the bus.

“Madison?”

“Yeah,” she quickly washed up and came into view.

“You’re still sick? I thought it would be over by now.”

“Sweetie it has barely started, this is just the beginning.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” He said defensively.

“Like what?” she snapped and went to change clothes.

“Treating me like I’m stupid, you’ve been doing it all week.”

“What are you on Lance? I’m not treating you anyway, you’re just losing it.” She straightened her adidas sweat suit and sat down to pull on her shell toes.

“Oh I’m losing it?” he shook his hands at her. “You are still puking your brains out, not eating and you haven’t even tried to make a doctor’s appointment. What the hell are we going to do with a baby?”

“So that’s your problem, well hey I don’t need your ass!” He pulled her arm back as she tried to leave. “No… fuck it Lance!” She took a few steps and froze in her tracks. He went after her and bumped into her from the sudden stop. He scanned her line of vision and saw why. Melinda was standing on the bottom step of the bus. Her hand was over her mouth in disbelief.

            “I’m sorry guys, I just came back for my keys…”

“How long have you been standing there?” Lance asked her. Madison sat down at the table.

“Too long,” she answered quietly. Lance handed her the keys from the top hook.

“Look, for now it would help us out if you didn’t say anything.” Madison said with a lump in her throat. Lance pulled her out of her seat into a standing position. Her eyes were watering up with fear. If the others knew about it then it must be real. Up until then she had hoped it was a dream.

“I won’t say anything, but you know you can’t hide from this. Madison you have to go to the doctor. Lance you need to tell Johnny this changes everything.”

“Mel, we have two shows left. Madison and I have a lot of work to do when we get home, but until then we have to do what we have to do!” Lance made the urgency of his point clear. He wiped Madison face and put his sunglasses on her, they were dark enough to cover her red eyes. They all gathered their things for the day and tried to walk off the conversation.

            Lance had pulled her into the toy room when Melinda went her own way. He softly pulled into his lap where they could talk from a deep embrace. “She’s going to tell isn’t she?” Madison asked.

“It’s possible, but if she does then we deal with it… right?”

“You’re right baby, I’m sorry about earlier. I never meant to treat you like you were dumb. I’m still trying to figure all this out.”

“Baby girl I’m sorry about what I said, it scares me to see you sick. Then you act like… never mind.”

“No, what is it?”

“Nothing it’s stupid.” He held her, but avoided making eye contact with her.

“Please,” she put her hand on his face.

“Do you like JC or something, because you guys just seem…? So happy together, like we used to be, before all this happened.” Madison dropped her head and groaned.

“Are you serious?” He paused for a minute at her question and then answered.

“Yeah, it’s been bothering me.”

“Baby JC is my friend, nothing more. There is no one in this world that I love more than you. No one will ever take your place. Geez, babe I still get chills when you take my hand. How could I ever want some one else? I can smell you on my clothes I can hear your voice in my head every time you’re not around.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” He needed that. He needed to hear that she still loved him. It was stupid of him to question her like that, but they were in uncharted territory. He buried his head into her body and just stayed there. She decided that things were going to be different from there. He deserved the best and he would get it. 

            There was a rap on the door. They both looked up as Joey popped his head in. He told Lance he was the missing ingredient for the final sound check. Before she let him up she gave him a kiss full on the lips. His arms squeezed her and they stood up. Before he left he kissed her on top of her promise ring and said he loved her. She thought she might go mad alone in the room. Joining Tim at the soundboard she watched them sing. Looking at him on stage she fell in love with him all over again.

            Friday making it to the Waterhouse venue in Orlando was a welcome homecoming for the boys. Madison went ahead to the house to meet the movers with her things from Texas. After they left she tried to make the dozen boxes look less cluttered. Knocking in a pile that had been stacked too high she gathered the contents of the busted container. Her first Pentax camera lay atop a scrapbook and a few trinkets of the past, sitting in the floor she opened the book. Tears flooded her eyes at her baby pictures. The book old and worn held a timeline of her life even up until her relationship with Lance. All the clippings from her blow out birthday party tucked away neatly. When she turned the page the headline hit her just as hard as it had the first time she read it. “Bye, Bye, Bye to Bass Baby.” Madison slammed the book shut and stood up. She couldn’t breath and the headline taunted her. The room was spinning and closing in on her. She grabbed her purse and left the house. She found herself on the redeye to Dallas. Before she boarded, she called and left a message on Lance’s voicemail. He would be worried if she left no word at all.

Trying to keep her composer on the plane, she decided it better to sleep than to try to deal with anything. She choked back the tears and curled up in her seat. Planning three minutes ahead she called for Gwen to pick her up. On the drive home she pried for answers. “Why was she home? Where was Lance? Why was she so upset?” Madison gave nothing. When she got home, she went in through her back door so she wouldn’t have to face anyone. Gwen told them she was home and left. Dale figured that she and Lance might be in a tiff about living together or something. Shelby felt differently about it. Not jumping to conclusions she waited for her daughter’s answers.

Madison lay in the bed. Her body was there, but her mind was a million miles away. She thought about Lance, her family, his family, her job, his job, then about Shawna. In a way she felt horrible for being so mean to her when the tables were turned. This was a different situation, but very similar. Shawna snuck into her room after everyone had gone to bed. Her bare feet tipped-toed across the hardwood floor up to Madison’s bed. She brought her some cocoa, sitting the cup on the nightstand she nudged her sister. Madison jumped and turned to see who was there.

“Shhh, it’s just me.” Shawna sat down on the edge of the bed. Madison forced herself to sit up. She leaned against the headboard and pulled a pillow into her lap.

“What are you doing up, it past midnight?” Madison whispered so her voice wouldn’t crack. Shawna handed her the mug and snuggled her feet in to the cover.

“I wanted to check on you. Are you ok?”

“I don’t know…”

“Are you and Lance fighting?”

“I… no, I don’t think so.”

“Then why are you here, instead with him?”

“Shawn.”

“Huh?” Madison paused for a minute and took a sip of the drink. She didn’t want to answer all those questions. The fear of her morning sickness would sell her out in about six hours as it was. “What is it Maddy?” Shawna figured one last try wouldn’t hurt. At that time the motion light on her back porch came on getting the girls attention. Scooting off the bed Madison looked out the window at the door and saw Lance standing there. She opened the door as he rushed in. Shawna went to reset the alarm and give them some privacy.

            “Are you ok?” Lance asked her in a panic. Madison clung to his arms and started to cry. “What Maddy, what is it? What happened?” She buried her face in his jacket and felt her knees go weak. He held her and squeezed her until she calmed down. They sat down on the bed and she wiped her face. “I went home and you were gone, I checked my calls and your message said that you were in Texas.”

“I’m sorry for that, it’s just that I found the clippings from Shawna’s abortion. I couldn’t… I had to get…”

“Wait, now why would that bother you? That was Shawna and it was over a month ago.”

“Because I wanted to do it,” she cut him off before he could finish. His eyes went big and his stomach flipped. He looked out into the room like he was in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. “I thought it would fix it. That we wouldn’t fight anymore and I could go back to work, just like in the plan we made. I thought it was too soon. I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Ok stop! That is enough, Madison this is stupid. That is not going to happen ok. We are not going to do that. You are not seventeen, and we have the money…”

“I’m sorry, I should have talked to you about it. I just thought with your job and my job…”

“Fuck work! This is between you and me. I’m only going to ask you this once. Do you want to have my baby?” Lance had her face in his hands they were warm against her cold skin. She looked into his eyes and knew that he was serious about this.

“Yes, no contest. But are you ready? Because before you said…”

“Forget about that conversation, don’t bring it up again.” His tone was harsh and his words were to the point. “Besides we talked about that before you told me I’m going to be a daddy.” His voice went soft and his stern look melted and he seemed to glow as the words came out. Madison smiled for the first time since she had came home and she felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off her shoulders.

“Daddy Lance,” she laughed and put her hands on top of his that were still on her face. She pulled him into a hug and rolled on the bed when he called her Mama.

The next day

            Telling her parents was going to be an event. She had enough to answer for by coming home and not speaking to anyone. The kitchen was hopping Tia was cooking breakfast while Dale and Shawna set the table. Madison found her mother in the upstairs bedroom making her bed. She eased into the room and grabbed the other side of the blanket that she was pulling into place.

“Hey Mama”

“Well look who came out of her room.” Shelby laughed and started stacking the pillows on the bed. Madison did the same on her side of the bed and didn’t say anything. “You know when you were about seven, every time you had a problem. You would go into your room and refuse to come out until you had figured it out.” Madison was done and she just stopped to watch her mother. She played with the string her PJ pants and realized how pretty Shelby was. Her features were much lighter than her and Shawna’s. They always said they took after Dale, now Madison wished she hadn’t. In the pale sunlight getting passed the drapes Shelby’s almost blonde hair was highlighted. She stopped and caught Madison staring at her. “What is it Maddy? Why are you looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost?” Madison now at the foot of the bed hugged her mother with out a word.

Dale came in the room about that time.

“Breakfast is done Shell, well good morning Sunshine.” He came into the room and retied his robe. “Honey come here, I think we need you.” Shelby said in a motherly tone like she was holding their two year-old instead of their twenty-two year-old. Madison clung from one the other like a pet monkey and she just stood there. “So did staying in your room solve your problem like it use to?” Dale joked as he pulled her hair back to see her face. “What is it pumpkin, living together harder than you thought?”

“If only Dad…” Madison mumbled the first sound he had heard from her since she had been home. She stood up on her own and took a deep breath. “There is something I need to tell you… Lance and I are going to have a baby.” She spoke the words quickly but clearly. He was at the door and came to stand by her side.

“Yes dear, when you are married and both have settled down with work and… life.” Shelby didn’t seem to catch on to the statement.

“That’s not what she meant Shell,” Dale said. Shelby looked at her husband and then her daughter and it clicked.

“I thought we were going to tell them together…” Lance spoke lowly but unobtrusive. The words seemed to hang in the air like a strong smell. Shawna walked into the room unknowing and announced that breakfast was getting cold. When no one moved she felt the uneasiness.

“What’s going on?” Dale pulled Shawna over to the group and joked.

“We are having a pajama party.” Madison scoffed and then got serious again when she saw Shelby’s pretty face froze in concern.

“Lance have you told your parents?” She asked out of the blue.

“No ma’am we had a busy week planned when the tour ended, but Madison needed to come here first.”

“I needed to be in my room,” she made a reference to the inside joke. “I was a bit overwhelmed when I thought about all the drama in store and I panicked.”

“Ya’ll told me first?” Shelby looked like she was about to cry when she hugged Madison.

“Yeah Mama,” Madison realized that she was reacting to the consideration that they had told her before Johnny, Gwen, or Jim and Diane. When Tia made her way to the room she paused before going in. Dale saw her and decided to break up the scene.

“Ok everybody down stairs before breakfast becomes lunch.” He shooed the girls out of the room.

Lance caught his elbow before he got to the door. Now it was just the guys.

“Sir, can we talk?”

“Sure son, I’d like that.” They sat on the bench at the end of the bed and Lance drew what he hoped was not his last breath.

“I didn’t plan for this. I’ve never been married, and I don’t have any kids. This is all very new to me. I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.” Lance stumbled at the words making Dale laugh out loud.

“You mean Madison’s hand, right.”

“Huh?”

“You said my hand, son I’m already married and I don’t swing like that.” The man made jokes to calm the boy down. Lance felt like his heart would jump out of his chest at any second.

“Oh, yes… I mean Madison. Is it hot in here to you?” Lance suddenly felt a little dizzy.

“Breath Lance, deep breath… There you go.” Dale coached him through it. “Now look there is no need to get all upset over this. I know you’re a good guy, I know you treat her well and you will try your hardest to make her happy. You’re not like Brett, so help him God when I find him.”

“He took advantage of Shawna, I think he is a punk and when you find him let me know!” Lance had calmed down and directed his mind elsewhere. Dale was a great father but underneath that he was a real man that Lance respected.

“Hum,” Dale breathed out. “So Madison told you?” Dale asked. Lance looked over to him a little confused.

“Told me what? I know about Shawna and that he is Madison’s ex-boyfriend.” Dale folded his arms and took a deep breath.

“Did she tell you why they broke up?”

“He cheated on her and he was just a bad guy?” Lance felt like he was playing a trivia game.

“I’m going to tell you something, Shell doesn’t even know. So you’d better keep it under your hat.” Dale looked over at him then up at the ceiling and then just a blank stare took over his face. “He’s a spoiled little punk, to sum it up. See Maddy doesn’t know that I know. They were in a hotel in New York, on spring break. When he found out about Maddy wanting to be a photographer, he lost it. They got into a fight, like a physical fight. He knocked her into a table or something that was made out of glass. She was in the hospital for two weeks, missed her finals and everything. One of my frat brothers was her doctor and when she put Gwen down as next of kin he called me. I let her handle it on her own she was twenty and knew everything. I regret not going up there to get her, but ya know. I should have killed him then, maybe then I could have saved Shawn… I just

don’t know Lance.”

Lance was white as a ghost and tried to gasp through his shallow breathing. He put his head in his hands and propped himself up on his knees. He tried to remember Madison’s body. Where could she have been cut? He couldn’t remember her having any scars or marks. Dale patted him on the back. He broke his daze and just gave Dale a knowing look.

“I will never touch her like that, I love her Dale. She’s going to have my baby.”

“I just hope you can keep your girls safer than I did mine.”

“Dale,” Lance tried to say to him before he left the room.

“I know son, I know.” With that he was gone.

Chapter 2

Back in Orlando

            “Hello Madison, how are you today?” the doctor spoke from behind the medical chart. She was an older black woman with short hair. Her glasses sat on her small nose and her chubby cheeks put Madison at ease.

“Nervous and yourself?” The sweet lady giggled and understood her fears. She asked Madison to change while she stepped out of the room so they could do an exam and get her blood drawn. Lance stayed with her. She undressed with her back to him and slid on the paper gown. Just as he had hoped he saw what her father had been talking about. It was very hard to see and he touched her bare back, it had no texture.

“What are you doing?” She jumped when he touched her. His hands were cold on her back.

“Nothing, you just looked like you could use some help getting back on the table.” He played it off. If she wanted him to know then she would tell him. He stood close to the table and tried to take her mind off of the doctor’s office.

“I thought maybe when we left here we could go… ring shopping.”

“Ring shopping….”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry honey the only rings I’m thinking about right now are teething rings.”

“But,” the door opened.

“We’ll talk about it later.” She whispered as the doctor and nurse came back in the room.

            When they left the office they had a better understanding of what was going on and what to expect. For the first time in a month they were smiling. Over an impromptu dinner they told Jim and Diane about the healthy baby that was due in seven months. Diane and Madison cried, Jim lectured Lance about being responsible. Naturally their concerns were the same as Dale and Shelby’s, Marriage and work. It was an unexpected event, unplanned, and ill timed, though everyone saw it as a blessing for the couple. 

Living together

            “Is that the last of your boxes?” Lance asked Madison as she carried it down the stairs.

“Yes… finally.” She smiled setting it down in the hallway. They made their way into the movie room and cued up a film.

“LB.” She bounced in his lap.

“What?” he replied?

“I’ve gained four pounds… I can’t wear my sexy jeans anymore.” She playfully whined.

“Oh Maddy… You don’t have to wear jeans to make you sexy. Just smile at me and the rest is history.” He adjusted in his seat and wrapped his arms around her.

“Baby that just may have been the sweetest thing you have ever said to me.”

“I’m changing.”

“Meaning what?”

“I’m making a pact right now. No more fighting with you, no more snapping, and no more attitude.”

“You are so good to me,” she cheesed.

“Well Dr. Stone said to keep the stress down.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed his unshaven face.

            Madison and Lance enjoyed the next few months without a hitch. He had some studio work to do with the guys, but nothing major. It was nice to come home every night and play house. The beginning of the fifth month brought many changes and challenges.

“Woman is you ready yet?” Lance hollered from the bathroom as he finished getting ready. Their bed was covered in her clothes and she was cloaked in only indecision.

“No… I’m not going.” She sat on the bed close to tears.

“Damn hormones…” Lance mumbled under his breath. “What about all those new pregnant clothes you bought.” He pulled dresses to her lap kneeling in front of her.

“They all just look so… Pregnant!” she tried not to laugh at her own comment.

“There do you hear how goofy you sound?”

“Ok, ok… you pick one and I’ll wear it. I have to fix my make up.” Lance helped her to her feet and watched her disappear into the other room. He seemed to glow at the sight of her small stomach. The fact that she was showing was making it so much more real. Shaking it from his head he skimmed the garments in confusion. The short baby blue velour dress would be warm and playful at the same time. She paired it with classic white Boks and they were own their way.

            They arrived at the club with gifts in hand. Melinda greeted them in high spirits. Justin’s birthday was the biggest thing to hit January since new years. The club was decorated and pumping with people and music. Madison found many familiar faces. Still she held tight to Lance as they made their rounds. Lynn tapped her on the shoulder when they rounded the corner. “Hey little Mama,” she hugged her gently.

“Lee-Lee, how are you doing?”

“Girl, I’m fine. How is the baby?”

“Doc says everything is going great.” Lance answered before Madison could. Lynn hugged him and whispered to him how proud of him she was.

“Where’s your baby?” Madison smiled holding up the small gift box.

“Who knows with that,” she laughed leading them to the next room.

            “Lance!” Chris ran up and yelled over the music.

“Christopher,” he said back with a half hug.

“Maddy, let's take a look at you.”

“Watch it boy,” she teased.

“We are going to have to hook up some Fuman maternity gear on the real, right?”

“I feel ya,” she smiled to see more friends approaching.

“Ohm,” Britney cooed and lightly put her hands on Madison’s belly.

“I’m so happy for you guys.” Kelly agreed from under Joey’s arm. Lance gave Madison a kiss and took the gift box. With his boys they faded into the crowd and she stayed with the girls.

“We are going shopping very soon.” Britney smiled at her.

“Yeah Maddy what is your theme?” Tara asked sipping her drink.

“Well I really want the sweet pea stuff from Mary’s and Lance doesn’t care as long as he can incorporate baby taz.”

“What about names?” they all sat down on the long couch circling Madison.

“Not really sure yet.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it. What are you folks saying?”

“Oh get married… How are you going to deal with work… that is about it. They are excited though. My mom already bought a crib. Diane had a rocking chair made for the nursery. They are so cute.” Madison tossed her hair over her shoulder and stretched a little.

“Well you guys have talked about it right?” La Kasha asked innocently.

“Sure, we have.” She lied. “We talk about it a lot. We haven’t really decided on anything yet.”

“Girls! Come quick, these guys are out of control.” Mandy shouted pulling them to their feet.

            In the middle of the bar, Justin sat with a funnel hose in his hand. Lance was behind the counter handing Trace random whiskey bottles to fill it up to the top. “On three, you ready?” Trace yelled over the crowd. “One, two, three!” Everyone chanted as Justin guzzled the contents. When he couldn't drink anymore he sprayed his friends. “Happy Birthday (clap, clap) Happy Birthday (clap, clap) Happy Birthday (clap, clap) Happy Birthday Dear Justin (clap, clap) Happy Birthday to you! (Clap, clap, clap). The girls slapped out the song like ghetto cheerleaders. Everybody screamed when the music pumped up again. Madison pulled Lance away from his drink long enough to dance to Angie Martinez’s “Take You Home”.

            Saying goodnight to everyone was her only regret of the evening. She had a feeling Lance may regret a little more the next morning. Sneaking a peek at his sleeping face at the red light she laughed to herself. When they made it home she pulled into the garage. She struggled to get him out of the car and up to bed. He could stand up, but his walking was a little staggered.

The Next Day

            “Wow, your up?” she smiled from behind her book on the sofa.

“Please don’t yell,” he whined in a groggy voice and put his hands over his ringing head. He eased onto the couch and kissed her shoulder. “Morning baby,” he whispered to her stomach laying his head in her lap. She put her hand on his back as he clicked on the TV. “Nothing is on,” he pouted clicking sixty miles an hour. Madison rolled her eyes when the two hundred plus channels did not satisfy him.

“Oh gross!” he sat up when he had left it on a cooking show to long. He ran from the room with his hand over his mouth.

“Welcome to my world…” Madison thought to herself when she heard him get sick. She shut off the TV and went to make him some coffee.

            Nursing his hangover allowed her to baby him a bit. She enjoyed it, too much. Johnny had said something about a good deal of work coming their way soon. Everyone knew the break was not permanent, but they loved it just the same.

“You know what?” She started pillow talk.

“What?” he asked with his eyes closed.

“There are some great studios here in Orlando.”

“Oh really?” Lance played along knowing exactly what was coming next.

“Yeah, I could call Gwen and she could set up some shoots.”

“Do you want to go back to work?” he opened his eyes to meet hers.

“Kind of, only locally though. I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Have you talked to Gwen?”

“Not yet…”

“I knew this would happen sooner or later.”

“It would do me some good to get out of the house.”

“If you feel up to it then it’s ok with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but I have conditions.”

“Which are?”

“Don’t push yourself, when you get tired take a break. And if you get all stressed out like you used to then its over.”

“Ok baby I promise.” She kissed him on the cheek and rolled over to call Gwen.